Empowerment Lessons from a Vampire??

Recently, I was working at a catering gig at the EPCOR Centre. It was an event for Obstetricians and Gynaecologists. The theme was Irish. Not sure why, but maybe it had something to do with one of the guests, an Irish ex-doctor turned author who read a passage from his new book. The entertainment was great including Irish dancers (one of which, a boy, who could kick his leg almost to the roof, or so it seemed) and an Irish band playing wonderful Irish music.

My job, as usual, was to walk around and serve people food. It was a fairly low key event and I was only there for four hours (but my body felt like it worked six or eight, what's up with that?)

I ended up walking around with my unusually heavy white plate of succulent prawns that you could dip in a mango sauce. I hate those plates by the way. They look nice but, could they be any heavier??  Not a great choice for a server to be carrying around.

A while later, I walked up to the author who was speaking with a group of two or three men. He asked me where I was from.  I told him Edmonton. Surprisingly, as an author, the best thing he could come up with was a put-down joke about Edmonton (like I haven't heard those before).  I have been living in Calgary for over ten years now and am fully aware of this ridiculous rivalry between Calgary and Edmonton. I don't understand it. Personally, I think it's petty and have no time to listen to jokes that I have heard so many times before.  Why can’t we just get along and appreciate each other for our unique qualities?

Anyway, as he started to tell this joke, I surprised myself (and the other guests) by doing something I rarely do. Instead of politely listening, smiling and laughing (at this insulting joke at my expense), I turned my back and walked away. Yes! I just walked away! And I tell you, it felt great. I need to do this more often. It felt empowering to leave. I thought "Why should I listen to someone who's only thing to say to me is an insult upon first meeting me." (Or, in general, has nothing to say of importance or who frankly bores me.) All too often I have been the "nice" girl and listened when I really didn't need or want to. The older I get, the less I want to please others. It's still a work in progress though, exorcising the "polite" or "nice girl" syndrome.  Don't get me wrong.  I think it's a good thing to be polite but it's finding that balance of politeness and not feeling like I'm getting walked on.  Assertiveness is an art.

Recently, I have been watching "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". Now, I know what some of you may be thinking.  "Buffy the Vampire Slayer?  Really?"  Well, you would be surprised, once you give yourself some time to get into the show, how good it actually is.  I was sceptical at first and wasn't overly impressed even after the first season (even though I am a "vampire" fan, except for Twilight that is), but then a funny thing happened.  Somehow, sometime during the second season, I got hooked. 

It's always amazing to me that I can choose to see, hear and understand the deeper layers of the meaning of life and purpose through some TV shows and movies.  Sometimes when I am struggling with something in my life, answers can be revealed in surprising ways and through a number of methods including conversations with friends or through various media.  One way I learn is by watching others.  I take what I like or think will work for me, try it out and then keep it (or not).  It then goes into my philosophical way of living and thinking.

If any of you know the show and the characters, I loved the show where one of the main characters, Willow, has a double in another realm that is a vampire and is really mean. Not that I want to be really mean or anything, but hey, I can still learn something about characters like that. Let me share.

What I love about her evil character is that it's the opposite of who she is. Willow is a polite, does the right thing, reliable and nice girl who will often be a doormat and who doesn't stand up for herself.  She is also very resourceful and intelligent.

Below, is a photo of nice Willow (on the left) and evil Vampire Willow (on the right).

Her Vampire Persona is the opposite. She's outspoken, doesn't put up with shit, is assertive, confident and knows what she wants.  But she will also kill at the drop of a hat and "play" with her food, but that's besides the point.  If she's bored, she will say "Bored now. Leaving" and walk away in this matter of fact, "la di da" Annie Hall sort of way. I think she unconsciously rubbed off on me that night, in a good way.  I'm going to walk away more often. Why waste time with people, activities or work that doesn't "blow my hair back", as a friend of mine, Sheryl, would say.  It's sometimes easier said than done though and still takes practice.

One way to find out who I am, is to find out who I am not.

As I walked out again a little while later with another tray of food, I walked by him and could tell he was pissed. Oh well, get over it and come up with some better party conversation.

By the way, BITCH is an anachronism for: a Babe In Total Control of Herself. So next time someone calls you a Bitch, say "Why Yes, I am!" and walk away, proudly.